Longing
by NotYourTypicalEmily
Summary: Romano leaves Spain thinking his boyfriend would be better off without him, needless to say, Spain doesn't think so. Spamano oneshot, human names used! Rated because Lovi needs to wash his mouth out with soap.


Longing

He loved his soppy idiot.

He loved him, he loved him so much that sometimes it made his chest hurt and his eyes water. He loved him more than he liked to talk about. He loved him because he was light and fresh and happy. He loved him because he was everything that he, Lovino, was not. He loved his dopey grin, the way his green eyes would slant when he smiled and crinkled at the edges, his uneven skin littered with tan lines from when he fell asleep outside, his gentle manners and soft touch, the way he could see beauty and light in every-fucking-thing.

Lovino loved how he'd wake up from a siesta with him on the sofa, their limbs tangled in a mixed up mess, Antonio would always have that stupid smile on his face, even in sleep. Lovino would usually wake up first, he'd take a minute to just watch his lover sleeping, watch as his chest heaved and bobbed up and down as he breathed. His eyelashes, short and stubby, would occasionally graze at his chin and his lips would get dry as he took in those little breaths. Then, Lovino would snap out of it after finding himself too entranced with the appearance of the sleeping male, he would give his lover a shake and wake him up with a grumpy pout on his lips.

It didn't matter how bad Lovino treated him, Antonio would always smile and stroke his cheek with the back of his hand before thanking the little Italian for waking him up before he slept too long. They would lie there for a little while, warmth encasing them both, before Antonio would give him a little nudge before announcing he was going to make food.

He found himself waking up in warmth again, but this time it wasn't the same and he wasn't staring into a sweetly smiling face when he woke up, his limbs weren't entwined with another's. He woke up to concerned sweet chocolate eyes, tears streaking down his cheeks indignantly and a pair of feeble arms wrapped around his neck. His brother let out a little relieved sigh before burrowing his head into his shoulder and smiling, Lovino looked around confusedly before realisation hit him like a merciless tidal wave, he felt his throat tighten and his eyes sting. A gentle falsetto came to his ears,

"Fratello, I was so worried," his brother tilted his head so he looked him in the eyes. Puppy dog brown eyes locked onto the honey coloured ones tainted by tears. Feliciano brought one hand from behind his brother's head and used it to wipe away the tears that had to dry on Lovino's face. The other boy stroked his tearful brother's face and gave him a warm smile although he knew it was to be responded with a scowl, Feliciano nuzzled into his brother's chest and gave a hearty smile.

"You know... The last time we were like this was a while back, do you remember fratello?" Lovino gave an indignant grumble but glanced down curiously, "The roles were swapped then, I was all sad because France told me about Holy Rome, remember?"

Of course he remembered. Feliciano had come to visit them both, had travelled to Spain and had a good day with them all. Then, when night came and he had to settle down to bed, he made these pathetic little pining noises. At first it annoyed Lovino, he had just wanted to go to sleep, but then brotherly instinct took over and he made Feliciano come into his bed and held him as the sobbing smaller boy cried out his pleads for his childhood sweetheart's return.

"It's horrible, isn't it? To lose someone you love...But Lovi, you don't have to lose him, you could go straight over there now and he'd abandon anything to see you again. Go and see him, Lovi."

"I don't love him."

"Oh, Lovi..." Feliciano's brow crinkled, his lips puckered into a pout and he sighed again, "Why don't you just stay here and I'll go make us some pasta and then we can have a night in, just the two of us, eh? I'll just call Luddy now, he won't mind postponing. Then we'll look at old photos and watch films and..."

"You don't have to do that, idiot." Feliciano had someone to go to that night, had a date to look forward to, there was no reason he should give that up for Lovino. However, the always optimistic Feliciano simply giggled and kissed his brother's cheek before swinging his legs over the sofa and standing up, already halfway to the kitchen when Lovino had began to protest.

There were a lot of things Feliciano had missed about having his brother around all the time, the little brat frequently radiated happiness and generally brightened the whole room just by talking or smiling or moving. He barely had a bad word to say about anything and was just naïve enough to be charming. However, his brother could be the sweetest person in the world but it didn't stop him from missing his Spaniard.

"_Dance with me, Lovi!"_

"_No way in hell, bastard."_

_Antonio laughed, he always looked so pretty when he laughed. He'd tilt his head back, bear his teeth that seemed so perfectly white all the time, his eyes would crinkle at the corners and his chuckles came out loudly and seemed almost obnoxious. There was a ridiculous song playing in the background on the old beat up portable radio Antonio refused to throw out despite how much Lovino nagged him to. The Spaniard was in his lounge clothes, freshly showered after an early morning working in the fields, his hair was soft and radiated heat. Lovino had simply thrown on one of the Spaniard's shirt over his boxers, he had hoped he would have had the morning free to have start cooking as a surprise for Antonio, he'd been so nice to him last night, it was the least he could do, of course Lovino would angrily exclaim that it was just because he was bored. Rather than let Lovino stay in his own house alone while his brother was out with his German boyfriend, Antonio had offered a room for the younger man, of course this resulted in Antonio going over the top with food and Lovino a headache in the morning from the copious amounts of wine the two drank, Antonio was apparently immune to any kind of hangover._

"_Aww, come on Lovino! You know you secretly love Shakira!" The Spaniard's hands went out and clutched at the younger Italian's wrists to pull him over, Lovino scowled and tried to back away but to no avail. He was tugged into a dancing frenzy by the elder man, "Do your hips lie, Lovi?"_

...

"_I'm sorry, you idiot."_

"_Lovino...Please?"_

_He had already made up his mind. His little suitcase was packed of all the things he had cluttered Antonio's house with, he was already determined to see this through, he had argued with himself for a good few hours before finally settling on the idea and there was no going back now, he was too stubborn to let that happen. His companion's eyes narrowed and his hand went out as he shakily tried to approach his boyfriend, he smiled but it was faltering and false. Antonio would be happier this way._

"_Mi tomate, you don't have to leave. I-it was my fault this happened, si? Just...Just put your bag down and I'll make us some coffee, that fancy stuff you like not the instant stuff, and...And you can go back to bed and I'll come up and we can forget that this ever happened, okay?"_

_Lovino was almost convinced, he almost dumped his bag and made his way upstairs, yelling for two sugars in his coffee. He shook his head and pushed past, his eyes watering as he opened the door with a flourish._

"_That's not going to sort anything, idiot."_

He loved his soppy idiot.

He loved him, he loved him so much that waking up with a tight chest and tears streaming down his cheeks became the norm.. He loved him more than he liked to talk about, but felt like he should stand on the roof of the house he shared with his brother and scream it out. He loved him so wanted him to continue to be light, fresh and happy. He loved him because he was everything that he, Lovino, was not.

He woke up to a litter of different dialects and accents chattering in hushed murmurs coming from the kitchen. His head pounded and a stray tear trickled and found it's way to his hairline. He sat up, blood rushed to his head and made it whirl, he growled and grasped at his hair. He'd been sleeping much more than he cared to admit over the past few days. His brother's chirp was probably the loudest voice, over-excited and high pitched over everyone else's murmuring, with a grumpy sigh he settled back on the sofa and huddled under the blanket Feliciano had bought down for him.

"Mon cher, you might as well get it over with now, I can't have you cluttering up my house any more. As much as I love to see you, Arthur's starting to feel neglected, it's very hard to woo him when you're sobbing very loudly in the next room..." So Francis was there? Lovino rolled his eyes, making his dislike for the elder French man visible even when no one could see him. It was odd, whenever Feliciano wanted to see him he would go over to visit because he knew Lovino generally didn't like Francis near him. There was an unsure grumble cut off by the other Italian's far too cheerful voice.

"It'll be fine! Francis, you really should get back home, we can take it from here, honest!" We? Who was we? Lovino's eyes were working around shiftily now, his brow puckered with curiosity and he couldn't help but make hopeful presumptions. The fucking pervert gave a chuckle before saying his goodbye and leaving, slamming the door far too loud for Lovino's head. The door to the living room opened and he heard his brother's small frame skip over and jump down next to him, he received a gentle shake and his eyes fluttered open as he feigned having been asleep and not overhearing the entire conversation.

"Lovi? Lovi! Look, someone's here to see you," Lovino turned and sat up again, covering his bare torso with the blanket. His eyes, still slightly fuzzy, couldn't make out the figure stood in the doorway. He squinted, trying to focus.

"H-Hi mi tomate," his cheeks flushed and his heart leapt into his throat. He recognized that voice from anywhere and sure enough as he began to focus he saw a familiar Spaniard, lips twitched into a nervous smile and leant up against the door frame. His brother beamed at him and kissed his forehead gently before prancing out,

"I'll leave you two alone!" his voice trilled out in a falsetto sing-song, he paused by the Spaniard and smiled again before going on his toes and kissing the man's tanned cheek before murmuring a good luck as he left.

The atmosphere was suddenly heavy, you could cut the awkward aura between the two of them with a knife. Lovino stared at him blankly, unaware of the dried tear stains on his cheeks, his chest heaved with a little sigh and he turned, settling back under the duvet as he did so. He heard Antonio give a dry chuckle as he made his way over, soft hands rubbed at his shoulders and tears fell onto the bare skin of his back.

"Okay Lovi, you don't have to accept my apology, just listen. Is that okay?" No response, "Well okay... That night I should have thought about you instead of being so stupid and selfish. I came home at stupid o'clock in the morning and assumed you'd take pity on me then behaved like a child when you didn't and I'm very sorry."

Still no response. Antonio sighed and rested his head in the crook of the younger boy's neck, inhaling, he took in the scent of the Italian before sighing again and kissing the boy's cheek. His hand went up to stroke at the soft gentle hair hiding the boy's face and brushing at his neck,

"Okay... Well I guess that's all I wanted to say. I'll see you around, Lovi." He felt the pressure of the other man's form back off and his hand went out to grab at him before that sweet feeling of warmth left him. Suddenly, he was face to face with the man he had been dreaming of and crying over for the entirety of the past few days. He flushed, firstly of embarrassment and then of anger.

"Stop being so...nice, you idiot!" he yelled, the man's eyes widened with shock but there was a small smile on his lips, "I left for you, not for me. Just go home, bastard. Your two pervert friends say it all the time, you should be with someone else, you told me so! Just go home and stop bothering me!"

Antonio shook his head and stroked the boy's cheek, now that he was close-up Lovino noticed they had a reddish tinge to them as if he hadn't been sleeping, his tan skin was tinted with grey and there were dark circles underneath those pretty eyes. Despite this, he still looked very much like Antonio, he still radiated warmth, his smile was still serene and he still seemed completely and utterly perfect. His hands entwined with stray dark hairs that framed the Italian's flushed face and he bought himself closer. His breath smelt of tomatoes and his hands were firm but gentle, perfect worker's hands.

"I've spent the last few days without you on Francis' sofa, listening to love songs I can't understand and still blubbering like a prepubescent schoolgirl and annoying Arthur so much he left the place to go back to his brother's, needless to say Francis isn't too happy with me either. I don't want you to leave for me, I want you to stay for both of us, if that's okay with you of course?" Lovino pulled away slightly, his brow furrowed.

"And I was doing so well..." Antonio laughed, his head went back and his teeth came out, those perfect eyes crinkled in the corners and the chuckles tinkled, just like Lovino dreamt about. The Spaniard blinked at him, he looked a little naïve or unsure as he grabbed the boy's hand and smiled a little.

"So... can I kiss you?"

"Make me a coffee and I'll think about it."

"The fancy type?"

"It's an espresso, bastard. And yes, two sugars."

Antonio grinned and got up, "And you'll be coming home?"

"If it's a damn good espresso."

Antonio laughed and made his way across the room, just as he reached the door he was stopped again by the pitter-patter of his little Italian's feet and the boy's little form colliding with his back, arms wound around his waist and a head rested in between his shoulder blades. Antonio took a deep breath and smiled before sneaking a look over his shoulder, not really able to see the boy bury his head into the Spaniard's shirt and warmth. Lovino's hands clutched at him as if he wasn't quite sure whether he was still asleep or not, when he was definitely sure he gave a dry chuckle. Antonio took the boy's little hands in his own and freed himself before turning around to face him, his hands went to the other's face again and he leaned down giving him a gentle peck on his lips before smiling and murmuring that he really should go make the boy an espresso.

"No way in hell," Lovino murmured, "Don't be such a stingy bastard, I want a real kiss."


End file.
